The right kind of stubborn
Learn how presence heals more than advice, how embodied comfort outshines confidence, why imaginative persistence matters, and how clear, flexible boundaries make intimacy safe and alive.
October 4th, 2025 - Issue #138 - read online
š Welcome to Pursuitāyour weekly pause for intentional living, self-discovery, and inner clarity. My name is Amir, and every week I share four carefully chosen ideas to help you design a more fulfilling life.
This weekās reflections:
š¤« The quiet art of helping
š§š» Comfort speaks louder than confidence
š¢ The right kind of stubborn
š Boundaries make intimacy possible
š¤« The quiet art of helping
When someone struggles, we rush to fix things, offering quick advice as if we hold all the answers. But often, people donāt want fixingāthey want presence. They need support, not solutions.
Helping isnāt about having the right words; itās about knowing when words get in the way. Real comfort isnāt found in neatly packaged advice but in silent, empathetic presence. Sometimes words create distance rather than closeness.
The deepest comfort isnāt in whatās saidāitās in simply being there, quiet but fully present.
š§š» Comfort speaks louder than confidence
We usually compete on appearance, wealth, or confidence, but often overlook our most powerful advantage: comfort.
Comfort isnāt just internalāit radiates outward, shaping interactions. To harness it, slow your physical movements as though youāre underwater. When your body relaxes, your mind follows. Conversations become easier, and others naturally mirror your ease.
In any interaction, the most comfortable person holds the upper hand. Focus less on external competition and more on cultivating your own ease. Comfort is subtleābut it speaks louder than confidence ever could.
š¢ The right kind of stubborn
I really enjoyed reading Paul Grahamās essay on stubbornness and the characteristics of persistent people. Hereās what stood out to me:
One thing that distinguishes the persistent is their energy. They keep trying things. Which means the persistent must also be imaginative. To keep trying things, you have to keep thinking of things to try.
So in practice your energy and imagination and resilience and good judgement have to be directed toward some fairly specific goal. Not too specific, or you might miss a great discovery adjacent to what youāre searching for, but not too general, or it wonāt work to motivate you.
š Boundaries make intimacy possible
Every relationship is shaped by its boundaries. So are we. They answer simple questions. What belongs to me and what does not. What lives inside and what lives outside.
A boundary is a container. It holds feelings, information, obligations, and privacy. At its best it becomes a safe place where comfort and integrity can live together. Boundaries are about connection and separateness. They let people in while allowing us to remain ourselves.
We often assume boundaries block intimacy. In truth they make intimacy possible. When two people meet, their edges create a shared space. Without edges one person dissolves into the other. That is not connection. That is fusion.
Think of skin. Skin needs pores to breathe and absorb what nourishes it. It also needs to be intact to protect what is inside. Relationships have a skin as well. Sometimes it is very porous and everything gets in. Sometimes it is selectively permeable so you can decide what enters. Sometimes it is sealed and nothing penetrates.
Language about āgoodā or ābadā boundaries usually points to a few patterns. Taking on responsibilities that are not yours. Withdrawing to the point of indifference. Absorbing other peopleās feelings as your own. Closing so tightly that you cannot join another personās experience.
Boundaries evolve as relationships do. Early on no one expects a new acquaintance to join every plan. Over time expectations change. The shift from I to we is a boundary shift. What is mine becomes ours. What do I owe you to tell and what can remain private. We negotiate that, sometimes openly and sometimes without words.
A practical starting point is a simple self-check. Do I need to loosen my edges to let in more life. Or do I need to strengthen them to protect what matters inside. Notice the people who help you hold healthy lines. Notice the conditions that made it possible. Invite more of those conditions into your days.
šµšø If you want to support my work, commit to donating ā¬5/month to the children of Gazaāliving in what is now the deadliest place on Earth.
šµĀ Music Iām listening to
Youāll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
š§ If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! š¶
šĀ Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
šĀ Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
šĀ Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
šĀ Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
šĀ Sonntag: Afterhours shit
š¦„ Slow rave: Sleepy techno for tired danced
šĀ World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
šĀ Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
