Groundwork of relational intelligence
Learn how to turn chaos into action, map your relational patterns, build real skills before spirituality, and reclaim agency by creating the narrative—tools serve your vision.
September 20, 2025 - Issue #136 - read online
👋 Welcome to Pursuit—your weekly pause for intentional living, self-discovery, and inner clarity. My name is Amir, and every week I share four carefully chosen ideas to help you design a more fulfilling life.
🏡 Hey! If you're looking for a flat in Berlin, my 1-bedroom, fully furnished apartment in Prenzlauer Berg will be available from October 1st. Check here for more details!
This week’s reflections:
🔄 Chaos → Clarity → Meaning → Movement
🧠 Groundwork of relational intelligence
🤔 Develop real skills - a rant about the wellness world
📜 Create the narrative
🔄 Chaos → Clarity → Meaning → Movement
The questions you ask shape the thoughts you have. When a question lands, the brain cannot help but work on it. Psychologists call this instinctive elaboration. Used with intention, it becomes a powerful lever.
Try this simple journaling frame: What? So what? Now what?
1️⃣ What? Free-write without judgment. Let the noise spill out.
2️⃣ So what? Step back. Notice patterns and insights.
3️⃣ Now what? Choose a next step. Turn learning into action.
This shifts you from chaos to clarity, from scattered ideas to meaning, and from meaning to movement.
🧠 Groundwork of relational intelligence
Self-awareness is the starting point of relational life. It means watching how you act and react, how you communicate, how you show up, and when you avoid. Know yourself first and you will understand others more clearly. We do not enter relationships empty-handed. We carry an “alternative resume” made of family history, cultural messages, and past lessons about love, trust, and conflict.
That resume shapes how you relate. It influences the way you argue or repair, the boundaries you set, and the trust you extend. Mapping where it comes from brings clarity. Look at the home you grew up in, the place of relationships in that home, the openness of the door, the roles people played, and the shifts across generations.
Two human needs sit underneath everything. We all need security and we all need freedom. Most of us lean toward one. Some were raised for autonomy and self-reliance. Others were raised for interdependence and loyalty. Neither is right or wrong. Each creates patterns in how you ask for help, compete, reveal struggle, and protect connection.
Be careful with the stories you tell about yourself. Repeated often enough, they harden into identity. Notice the beliefs that keep you narrow and let some of them go. A flexible story leaves room to grow.
Build your alternative resume in simple notes:
Origins and context that formed you
Your lean toward autonomy or loyalty
Default roles and patterns in conflict and repair
Strengths you overlook because they feel easy
Edges you want to refine
This is the groundwork of relational intelligence. It widens your understanding of yourself and of the people you live and work with.
🤔 Develop real skills - a rant about the wellness world
In my experience, much of the wellness world feels like it skips a step. There’s a rush toward spirituality, retreats, and lofty concepts without first tending to the basics of everyday life. I’ve noticed how easy it is to get caught up in ideas of higher purpose while overlooking the simple, unglamorous work that actually gives those ideas weight—things like taking care of your body, improving your habits, or developing real skills. Without that foundation, all the talk of deeper meaning starts to feel a little hollow. Last week, this excerpt hit home:
Most people want to start with deep, spiritual, and metaphysical problems that reside in their core. If you haven’t done even the slightest bit of self-help work like:
Going to the gym or training
Fixing your nutrition and habits
Acquiring high-value skills and knowledge
Then you are in for a bad time. I would argue that the people trying to be “spiritual” without doing the superficial work are doing it for superficial reasons. They use spirituality as a nobility card to avoid making any form of contribution to humanity by pursuing goals. If you don’t know “why” you are doing something, why are you doing it? That is the first sign of mindlessness.
Pursue goals. Develop an intrinsic philosophy for each one. Slowly cultivate the habits that forge who you are (because your choices mean everything).
📜 Create the narrative
A fresh perspective on people who fear AI replacing them in the workforce:
It’s no wonder why you are afraid of artificial intelligence and automation. It’s because you are already a machine. You are a tool that is worried about being replaced by a tool. You aren’t a human with an executive function to create narratives rather than being a part of the narrative. You’ve relinquished your ability to nurture a vision, assign goals to the tools, and learn anything required to do both.
🇵🇸 If you want to support my work, commit to donating €5/month to the children of Gaza—living in what is now the deadliest place on Earth.
🎵 Music I’m listening to
You’ll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
🎧 If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! 🎶
🌒 Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
🌓 Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
🌑 Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
🌕 Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
🌞 Sonntag: Afterhours shit
🦥 Slow rave: Sleepy techno for tired danced
🌎 World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
🌚 Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
