Discomfort is where learning begins
See relationships as evolving roles with fair balance, treat discomfort as the classroom, channel usefulness into meaningful work, and define success by what truly counts in your life.
September 13, 2025 - Issue #135 - read online
👋 Welcome to Pursuit—your weekly pause for intentional living, self-discovery, and inner clarity. My name is Amir, and every week I share four carefully chosen ideas to help you design a more fulfilling life.
🏡 Hey! If you're looking for a flat in Berlin, my 1-bedroom, fully furnished apartment in Prenzlauer Berg will be available from October 1st. Check here for more details!
This week’s reflections:
🎭 Every relationship runs on roles
😖 Discomfort is where learning begins
🔧 The need to be useful
🏆 Define your own metric for success
🎭 Every relationship runs on roles
I recently began Esther Perel’s MasterClass on relational intelligence and have been watching one chapter each night. It may be the most useful learning I have done in years. Practical, humane, and full of simple ways to avoid patterns that created pain in past relationships.
Here’s a snippet about roles we all play in every relationship:
Every relationship runs on roles. Like a play, each person carries a set of expectations, responsibilities, and a style of interaction. The role organizes who does what and how the two of you meet in the middle. Lovers, colleagues, parents, friends. Each title comes with an implicit script.
Roles show up in the small transactions of daily life. One person cooks, the other cleans. One gathers the data, the other runs the analysis. One speaks first, the other listens and edits. On teams the cast is familiar. The pace-setter. The skeptic. The integrator who aligns the group. The caretaker who notices morale. Together these parts form the living script of the relationship.
Roles are shaped by personal history. An only child who kept peace at home often becomes the harmonizer at work. The youngest of five learns early to speak up and may grow into a persuasive closer. None of this is good or bad on its own. It is a set of skills sharpened by context, carried forward into new rooms.
Healthy relationships aim for equity rather than strict equality. The parts do not have to match to feel fair. What matters is that no one abuses the power of a role and that each person can execute their part with the authority and resources it requires. Washing the dishes can be as fair as cooking the meal when the distribution fits the people involved.
😖 Discomfort is where learning begins
You cannot discover anything new inside what you already know. Discovery lives in the unknown. You step off the edge, feel like you are drowning, and learn to swim. That is how learning works.
Most people avoid that stretch. They jump in, meet difficulty, and decide the struggle means something is wrong. Hard is not a flaw. It is the curriculum.
Take ownership. Stop blaming the water. Stay with the discomfort long enough to grow the skills you came for.
Last weekend I finally started a project I had been avoiding. The first day was brutal. Getting it off the ground, reaching a small milestone, and wrapping my head around the moving parts took everything.
I realized I was not avoiding the project. I was avoiding the unknown. I was afraid to fail at the start.
That hard day turned out to be necessary. The work forced me into uncharted territory, and I learned more in those hours than in weeks of hesitation. The skill arrived only after I sat with the discomfort. That is where learning begins.
🔧 The need to be useful
Success often looks like relentless energy. Underneath it is a need to be useful.
Some men do not simply work; they must work. Drop them in a forest and they will start chopping trees just to stay in motion.
For people wired this way, productivity feels like survival. Take away their ability to contribute and purpose begins to drain. Many do not merely slow down when they stop. They start to fade.
Fulfillment rarely comes at a finish line. It lives in the act of moving, making, serving, and building. The task is to channel that drive into work that matters, and to let rest serve the work rather than replace it.
🏆 Define your own metric for success
Your version that you’ve ‘made it’ could be when you can go for lunchtime swims or mid-morning dog walks. Or that you can pick up the kids from school when you want. Or that the work you created makes a difference. It’s not solely about the spreadsheet. Count the things that count.
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🎵 Music I’m listening to
You’ll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
🎧 If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! 🎶
🌒 Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
🌓 Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
🌑 Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
🌕 Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
🌞 Sonntag: Afterhours shit
🦥 Slow rave: Sleepy techno for tired danced
🌎 World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
🌚 Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
