When shame becomes silent
Finding grace in fading memory, trading shame for self-love, letting an inner compass steer courage, and starting anew while carrying every imprint.
August 9th, 2025 - Issue #130 - read online
đ Welcome to Pursuitâyour weekly pause for intentional living, self-discovery, and inner clarity. My name is Amir, and every week I share four carefully chosen ideas to help you design a more fulfilling life.
This week at a glance:
đŚ Wisdom from a man whoâs losing his mind
đ¤ When shame becomes silent
đ The first book I couldnât put down
𧳠You carry it all, even as you begin again
đŚ Wisdom from a man whoâs losing his mind
This episode of Reflections of Life captures the reflections and feelings of a man living with dementia in the final season of his life. There are profound lessons in his journey for all of us.
Dementia erodes the known world, dissolving certainty. What was read a moment ago slips away. Conversations become fleeting impressions, unspoken feelings taking the place of words. And yet, life continues. Wood is chopped, fires are tended, meals are cooked. There is a quiet dignity in moving through the world as if everything remains intact, even when it isnât.
Still, the mind returns to the fear of whatâs to comeâthe indignity of becoming unrecognizable, of being reduced to something less than a person. To be remembered not for love, but for decline. The impulse is to resist, to rage against what is slipping away. But acceptance does not mean absence of feeling. The grief remainsâmost of all, for those left watching.
And yet, in the midst of this, love surfaces. The urgency to say I love you before the words become impossible. The desire to make it knownâto ensure that love is not something assumed, but something spoken, written, made tangible. Because in the end, that is all there is.
Life, when viewed without expectation, is fresh, like spring. The mountain outside the window, different each day, is a reminder: to see what is here, one must let go of what was. To release expectation is to find beauty in what remains.
There is no need for a monument. No name on a bench, no marker in stone. Just ashes, scattered in a place once loved. The book closes, not in tragedy, but in completion. And what remains, in the end, is not lossâbut the quiet joy of having lived.
Release expectations and find beauty in what remainsâŚ
đ¤ When shame becomes silent
We assume shame is temporaryâa response to getting it wrong. But it runs deeper than that. It doesnât just visit, it settles in. Over time, it convinces you the issue isnât what you did, but who you are.
Shame lives in the body. It resurfaces with a glance, a comment, a silence. And it only takes root when self-doubt is already present. Criticism only wounds when it mirrors something you already fear. The sting doesnât come from othersâit comes from the stories youâve already accepted about yourself.
Thatâs what makes shame so insidious. It doesnât just point out a flaw. It rewrites the self. What began as a moment of guilt becomes a permanent trait. You start believing that harsh self-judgment is the path to growth. That redemption must be earned through constant internal scrutiny.
But shame doesnât create change. It traps you in a cycle of proving. You keep running, but never arrive.
To truly grow, you have to destroy the foundation it stands on. Not patch it. Not reframe it. Burn it down. Because shame is not a compassâitâs a parasite. And its only antidote is self-love.
To love yourself is not to excuse your flaws, nor is it to inflate your worth for validation. It is to remove the constant interrogation of your own existence. True confidence is not built on proving your value to others; it is built on the quiet knowledge that you require no justification to be whole. And only when shame is silenced does real growth begin.
⨠From The End of Shame - Lawrence Yeo
đ The first book I couldnât put down
Lawrence Yeo, the author of the last piece, is one of the few bloggers I never miss. When I saw he had released a book, The Inner Compass, I ordered it immediately. It is a slim volumeâabout a hundred pages, filled with illustrationsâand I could not put it down.
I started reading on the flight to Poland with my brother. Halfway through, I handed it to him and said, âFinish this before we fly home. I need the rest on the return leg.â The language is simple, the ideas clear, yet the impact is profound. It distills what matters in life and invites you to examine your own conditioning, whether or not you have ever tried therapy.
I earn nothing from this recommendation, but I believe everyone should read this book. I plan to buy several copies and share them with close friends. If you pick it up, I suspect you will want to do the same. Hereâre a few favorite highlights so far:
There is no force greater than the confirmation you give yourself, as it's the only lasting avenue to contentment. All external praise or criticism-no matter how important it feels in the momentâquickly fades into the crevices of the mind. The only thing that lasts is the labyrinth of your inner world, and like anything worthwhile, it takes effort to navigate and understand.
The push for certainty is driven by fear, whereas the pull toward curiosity is driven by play.
𧳠You carry it all, even as you begin again
To move through this world with velocity, you have to be willing to start over again and again. Throw yourself into novelty, hungry and willing. Yet, youâre bound to the debris of past experience. Every ailment, every victory. Every yearning, every blameless mistake. Every great love, every little wound.
⨠From Object Permanence
đľđ¸ If you want to support my work, commit to donating $10/month to the children of Gazaâliving in what is now the deadliest place on Earth.
đľÂ Music Iâm listening to
Youâll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
đ§ If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! đś
đ Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
đ Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
đ Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
đ Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
đ Sonntag: Afterhours shit
𦥠Slow rave: Sleepy techno for tired danced
đ World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
đ Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
