#91: Repetition and practice
#MasteryMindset #TraumaFraming #EffectiveFeedback #EmotionalAttunement
👋 Welcome to Pursuit, where we explore the art of living well. My name is Amir, and each week, I go over 10 hours of content about personal growth and mental well-being, bringing you four insights and thought-provoking perspectives from leading thinkers. I hope to have a tiny impact on your life and inspire you with the tools to lead a more fulfilling life. Join us on this journey of continuous improvement and discovery.
This week’s discovery:
🔃 Repetition and practice
🧠 What is wrong with modern therapy
👂🏼 Importance of feedback in relationships
🔍 Finding fulfillment beyond accomplishments
If you’re interested in listening to this week’s newsletter, you can follow Pursuit’s podcast on Spotify or other popular podcast platforms. Here’s this week’s episode:
I am taking a break from writing for the next week, as I recently took a short vacation in North Macedonia. I look forward to reconnecting with you in two weeks. In the meantime, remember to rest and return to your practice with renewed energy.
🔃 Repetition and practice
You can do something mundane a million times and still discover something profoundly alive, novel, and worth wonder. I’ve seen this before, but I choose to see it with new eyes. Repetition is an opportunity to know something deeper than when you first experienced it. It's why Monet painted over 300 water lily canvases over three decades, why Leonard Cohen took 2 years to write the song Hallelujah, drafting one verse 180 times, Rothko's obsession with stripes, Mondrian’s squares. That’s what mastery is at its core.
What is a mundane thing that you’ve been repeating these days? Can you find novelty in it?
A true practice is one that you repeat whether or not it feels successful or even good all the time. Actually, most times it’ll feel sort of useless and very challenging. There’s a clear, yawning, empty space between where you are and where you want to be. You’ll spend the rest of your life attempting to close that gap. Yet, a practice is something that you believe in, regardless of the certainty of failure and missteps. You return to it again patiently, a disciple of the craft, because it matters to you. Practice can be your version of devotion or prayer to the world.
Pursuit is a form of practice for me. I’m not doing this because I want to gain more readers and followers. I’m doing this because it matters to me.
🧠 What is wrong with modern therapy
In a recent episode of the Modern Wisdom podcast, Abigail Shrier discusses the modern therapy culture and its impact on Gen Z. I found this conversation to be quite intriguing. Here’s one of the key points that stood out to me:
The excessive use of the term 'trauma' in our everyday language may be causing more harm than good to our generation. How we choose to frame our experiences, especially those that are potentially traumatic, can have a profound impact on our mental well-being.
A recent study has shed light on an intriguing phenomenon: individuals who didn't perceive their childhood trauma as significant exhibited better mental health outcomes in adulthood compared to those who incorporated the event into their life narrative, even when the event wasn't necessarily traumatic. This finding raises questions about the effectiveness of trauma-informed care, which operates under the assumption that discussing traumatic experiences is universally beneficial.
It's important to consider that for some individuals, constantly revisiting and talking about their traumatic experiences may lead to re-traumatization. Instead of focusing solely on the past, a more effective approach could be to acknowledge an individual's history and then shift the conversation to the present and future. By doing so, we can help people move forward without being continuously tethered to their past experiences.
👂🏼 Importance of feedback in relationships
Carole Robin spent over 20 years teaching the Stanford Graduate School of Business course Interpersonal Dynamics, affectionately known as “Touchy Feely.” After leaving Stanford, she founded a nonprofit called Leaders in Tech, which applies the Touchy Feely principles to help Silicon Valley executives build their leadership and interpersonal skills. She co-authored the popular book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues, which shares key insights from her decades of teaching these courses.
After listening to a podcast featuring Carole as a guest, I decided to purchase her book. This book is precious, filled with practical tips on deepening your relationships with the people in your life. I will share more insights about it in upcoming posts, but for now, I want to leave you with this piece on the importance of feedback in relationships.
Feedback is a powerful tool for building relationships, but only when used correctly. Instead of damaging relationships, effective feedback should invest in the individual and the relationship itself. We often ignore minor irritations or 'pinches' in interactions, but when these go unaddressed, they can escalate into 'crunches', causing greater annoyance. The key is to address them while they're still small, even if they seem unimportant. A useful trick is to replace the word 'it' with 'I', 'you', or 'we' when deciding if an issue is worth addressing. Instead of saying "It's not worth it," you can reframe it as "I am not worth it" or "We are not worth it.” If you're finding yourself more irritated over time, it's crucial to voice that irritation. This approach is deeply rooted in self-awareness and empathy and promotes deeper, more robust relationships.
🔍 Finding fulfillment beyond accomplishments
Are you unsure of what you truly want or how you really feel? You're not alone. For men especially, societal conditioning often leads to a condition called "alexithymia" - a colorblindness to the complex tapestry of emotions that reside within us. Like a painter limited to shades of gray, those with alexithymia struggle to detect and articulate the vibrant hues of their inner experience. This emotional blindness can create a profound disconnect between what we feel and how we behave, trapping held-up energy within the mind and body.
To untangle this inner knot, we must first acknowledge that our inability to express emotions doesn't negate their power over us. Suppressed feelings can still shape our behaviors, leaving us paralyzed and confused. By tuning into physical sensations, we can cultivate a deeper awareness of our emotional landscape, recognizing that conflicting emotions like anger and sadness, joy and fear, can coexist within us in complex ways.
This emotional attunement is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to gaining mental clarity and self-awareness. Practices like Trataka (candle gazing) and fixed-point meditation can help us sharpen our focus and instill a sense of empowerment over our attention. By deliberately directing our gaze inward, we create space to reconnect with our authentic desires and values.
In a culture obsessed with external markers of success, it's tempting to constantly compare our journey to others. But this ego-driven perspective only breeds discontent. The truth is, even those who appear wildly successful on the outside may be struggling internally, while those with humble means might possess a deep wellspring of contentment.
The path to fulfillment, then, lies not in chasing someone else's definition of success, but in embracing the uniqueness of your own journey. Your life is a product of experiences, circumstances, and habits that no one else can fully replicate. So rather than seeking answers in the advice of others, turn your attention inward. Excavate your own inner wisdom and apply those insights to your singular path.
Remember, too, that your worth as a human being is not contingent on your accomplishments. We cannot control outcomes, only our actions. Just as studying medicine doesn't guarantee the ability to save lives, ticking off items on a bucket list doesn't inherently fill us with value. True success paradoxically arises when we release our grip on results and focus instead on showing up with intention and integrity.
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🎵 Discovery for your ears
You’ll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
🎧 If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! 🎶
🌒 Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
🌓 Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
🌑 Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
🌕 Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
🌞 Sonntag: Afterhours shit
🌎 World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
🌚 Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
