#89: How to save your friends
#SelfAcceptance #FriendshipSupport #SaunaBenefits #WorkPassion
👋 Welcome to Pursuit, where we explore the art of living well. My name is Amir, and each week, I go over 10 hours of content about personal growth and mental well-being, bringing you four insights and thought-provoking perspectives from leading thinkers. I hope to have a tiny impact on your life and inspire you with the tools to lead a more fulfilling life. Join us on this journey of continuous improvement and discovery.
This week’s discovery:
🔑 Unconditional Acceptance: The Key to True Self-Compassion
🌟 How to save your friends
🧖🏼 Why do I go to the sauna at least 4 times a week
❤️🔥 The struggle of discovering work you love
If you’re interested in listening to this week’s newsletter, you can follow Pursuit’s podcast on Spotify or other popular podcast platforms. Here’s this week’s episode:
🔑 Unconditional acceptance: the key to true self-compassion
We often confuse self-love with romantic love, expecting to admire ourselves the way we would a crush. In reality, the more we know about ourselves, the harder it becomes to maintain this admiration. We're not mysterious strangers to ourselves; we're intimately aware of every mistake and shortcoming.
Here's a thought that might flip your perspective: what if we loved ourselves the way parents love their children? Parents don't love their kids because they're perfect. They love them simply because they're theirs. That’s it.
Think about this: out of billions of people on this planet, you are the only one solely responsible for your well-being. It's not about being flawless or achieving greatness. It's about accepting that you're stuck with yourself, so you might as well be on your own team.
This shift reframes self-love from a conditional, achievement-based concept to an unconditional acceptance of who you are. It's not about ignoring your flaws or never striving to improve. It's about providing yourself with the steady support and love you'd give to someone you're responsible for nurturing.
So, next time you're face-to-face with your shortcoming and disappointments, ask yourself: If I were the parent to the person I see reflected, how would I treat them? How might your relationship with yourself change if you approached it with that level of unconditional acceptance and support?
Interested to learn more? Listen to Matthew Hussey talking about “Why Is Love So Hard to Find in the Modern World”.
🌟 How to save your friends
Are you looking to cultivate deeper, more meaningful friendships? Consider exploring the insights from "How to Save Your Friends." Here are a few ideas that truly resonated with me the most:
When you come to a conclusion yourself, you understand it in a much deeper way. Hearing someone else say “you should break up with your partner” is a fundamentally different experience than hearing yourself say “I should break up with my partner.” Help them get to the point where they identify the solution themselves.
If your goal is to help them, try to maintain the center of gravity on them. One good way to do this is to reflect what they said back to them, in your own words. You can say “that sounds really hard”, or “seems like you’re getting burnt out”. Telling them what you’re hearing does three things: (1) it helps you confirm that you actually understood what they said (if not, they can correct you); (2) it helps them feel validated; and (3) it can also lead to insights.
You don’t need to turn your questions into a multiple choice quiz. You actually want to give them as much freedom in their response as possible; you want to minimize the amount of projection you put into your questions. Just ask: “what’s been hard about it?”
Just ask: “What do you need most right now?” or “What do you think would help you most?” Sometimes a friend needs strategic advice, sometimes they need a hug, and sometimes they need reassurance that they aren’t going insane. As you get to know someone, you develop a better intuition for what they need in different situations. But when in doubt, it doesn’t hurt to ask.
🧖🏼 Why do I go to the sauna at least 4 times a week
Sauna usage can simulate a fever-like state, elevating your core body temperature and activating heat shock proteins, crucial players in our innate immune response. This fever response is an important part of how our immune system combats pathogens. Beyond this, saunas can have a profound impact on mood. The heat discomfort triggers the release of dinorphin, an opioid involved in cooling down the body, which, in turn, causes the body to make more receptors for endorphins, our feel-good opioids. This sensitization can enhance the positive effects of subsequent endorphin releases, resulting in improved mood and stress handling. The optimal conditions for sauna are 80 degrees Celsius with 10-20% humidity for 20 minutes, at least four times a week. Consistent sauna use has been linked to a significant decrease in all-cause mortality and cardiovascular-related mortality.
After listening to this episode of The Knowledge Project on healthy living, I made two changes to my routines. First, I stopped mixing bananas and blueberries in my shake (listen to the episode to learn why). Second, I started going to the sauna four days a week. Riding my bike after a sauna session is now one of the most joyful moments of my day. I encourage you to find a sauna near your home and give it a try.
❤️🔥 The struggle of discovering work you love
Whichever route you take, expect a struggle. Finding work you love is very difficult. Most people fail. Even if you succeed, it's rare to be free to work on what you want till your thirties or forties. But if you have the destination in sight you'll be more likely to arrive at it. If you know you can love work, you're in the home stretch, and if you know what work you love, you're practically there.
Paul Graham
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🎵 Discovery for your ears
You’ll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
🎧 If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! 🎶
🌒 Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
🌓 Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
🌑 Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
🌕 Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
🌞 Sonntag: Afterhours shit
🌎 World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
🌚 Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
Not running into you in sauna lately 🥵