#26: Be an Archaeologist, Not an Architect

#purpose #self-discovery #forgiveness #change #careeridentity

Jul 07, 2023

👋 Welcome to this week's Pursuit. My name is Amir, and each week I go over 10 hours of content in pursuit of living a meaningful, fulfilling and balanced life. I'm grateful to share my findings with you and hope I can have a tiny impact on your life. Subscribe now if you haven't already!

This week’s discovery:

🤔 What is the Meaning and Purpose of Life?
🗿 Be an Archaeologist, Not an Architect
😌 The Importance of Forgiveness
🧭 Navigating Identity and Change
👨🏼‍🏭 You Aren’t What You Do
🗒️ A Poem I'm Pondering On
🎵 Music I'm Listening To

🤔 What is the Meaning and Purpose of Life?

In this big question, there are two answers. First, find your own meaning - don't rely on the wisdom of others, but dig deep and find what truly resonates with you. Second, there is no intrinsic purpose to life; it is up to you to create your own meaning. Don't worry about leaving a lasting impact or being remembered by future generations. Simply be yourself in the present moment. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the constant barrage of advice and to-do lists, take a deep breath and remember that you don't have to do anything. Trust your intuition and listen to that inner voice that knows what is right for you. Remember, no one in the world can beat you at being yourself. You don't need to change the world to make a difference; start with yourself, your family, and your community first.

🎧 5-min

🗿 Be an Archaeologist, Not an Architect

I could not find a better metaphor to describe the changes I have experienced in the discovery of who I am in the first half of my thirties. I hope that some of you can get a head start by paying attention to this subtle shift in perspective.

An architect plans a building up front before construction can begin, then diligently follows that plan. The plan may be adapted along the way as things come up, but the core approach is that action is led by a clear and detailed plan. An archaeologist works in the opposite way. Something unknown is discovered in the ground, and while there may be ideas of what it could be, the approach is to slowly uncover it. Whenever the truth of what is uncovered differs from the initial ideas, it’s the ideas that are updated. Look at all of the multitudes you contain, all your fascinations, your weird hobbies, the people you love, the places you feel drawn to, and ask yourself: Where should the next brushstroke be? What feels resonant? What makes you feel most alive? Go that way and see what shows up. See who shows up.

The first step to figuring out who you are is to stop being who you’re not. It’s all too easy to accidentally attract the wrong community because you learned to share an image of yourself that you think others will like. But if that image isn’t really who you are, you’ll probably feel alone and misunderstood, even if surrounded by people. They’re not your people.

📖 7-min

😌 The Importance of Forgiveness

If you're looking for a way to heal yourself, try forgiveness. It might sound counterintuitive, but forgiving others is actually the most selfish thing you can do. By doing so, you're giving yourself the gift of peace and allowing yourself to move on from hurtful situations. It's not about doing others a favor, but about doing yourself one. And remember, forgiveness doesn't always require an apology from the other person. Sometimes, you just need to accept the apology you're never going to get and move on. It's a powerful act of closure that can help you find your own peace and happiness.

🎧 5-min

🧭 Navigating Identity and Change

If you're struggling with a major life transition, it's likely because you're having a hard time letting go of your old identity. This is a common problem, but it's not insurmountable. In fact, there's a Buddhist parable that illustrates this issue perfectly. The story goes like this: a man builds a raft to cross a raging river. When he reaches the other side, he picks up the raft and starts walking into the forest. But the raft starts snagging against the trees and impeding the man's progress. Despite this, he refuses to let it go because he built it and it saved his life. However, to survive today, he has to let go of the raft that saved his life yesterday. To become who you're meant to be, you need to let go of who you once were. This can be incredibly difficult, but it's essential for growth and progress. So, if you're struggling with a major life transition, take some time to have an internal conversation with yourself. Try to let go of your old identity and embrace the new one. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

🎧 2-min

👨🏼‍🏭 You Aren’t What You Do

When analysts from the Pew Research Center asked Americans what gives their life meaning, respondents were nearly two times more likely to name their career than to name their spouse. A fulfilling career ranked higher than any other priority, including making money and helping people in need. The desire to search for self-actualizing work makes some sense. After all, we work more than we do just about anything else. Especially for entrepreneurs with “skin in the game,” there’s a natural tendency to see your company as a reflection of you. But to conflate your identity with your job is risky. The primary issue is that your job might not always be there. If your job is your identity, and you lose your job, what’s left? As many people in the tech industry have learned in the past few months, tethering your sense of self to a job or a company is a precarious game. When you conflate who you are with what you do, you can miss out on other meaningful aspects of life. The research shows that when we develop multiple passions, interests, and identities, we don’t just become more well-rounded humans but—ironically—we get better at work too. People with greater self-complexity are more resilient in the face of adversity, and more creative problem solvers.

📖 5-min