#111: Break the rules of your games
Learn how to break free from self-imposed games, why true listening matters more than fixing, why laziness is a myth, and how nothingness shapes everything.
👋 Welcome to this week’s Pursuit. My name is Amir, and each week, I go over 10 hours of content about personal growth and mental well-being, bringing you four insights and thought-provoking perspectives from leading thinkers. I hope to have a tiny impact on your life and inspire you with the tools to lead a more fulfilling life.
This week at a glance:
⛓️💥 Break the rules of your games
🌻 I hear you, and your feelings matter
🤔 Laziness isn’t real
🧘🏻♂️ “Nothing” is half of everything
⛓️💥 Break the rules of your games
Often, when I’m stuck, it’s because I've made up a game for myself and decided that I’m losing at it. I haven’t achieved enough. I am not working hard enough and I am also, somehow, not having enough fun. These games have elaborate rules, like “I have to be as successful as my most successful friend, but everything I've done so far doesn't count,” and I’m supposed to feel very bad if I break them. Did I create these games by thinking really hard about how to live a good life? No! I pulled them out of my butt. Or someone else pulled them out of their butt, and I said, “Ooh, can I have some of that?”
✨ From So You Wanna De-Bog Yourself
🌻 I hear you, and your feelings matter
Imagine a world where every expressed emotion isn't a problem to solve, but a moment to connect. Yet for many, especially those socialized as "fixers," it's an impossible task. The urge to do something, anything, to make the feeling go away is overwhelming. But what if that's not what's needed at all.
What's really at play here is a misunderstanding of emotional needs. When someone shares their feelings, they're rarely asking for a solution. They're seeking understanding, acknowledgment, a simple "I hear you." It's not about fixing; it's about presence.
This dynamic often plays out with men taking on the role of the "instrumental fixer." They hear their partner express loneliness or frustration, and suddenly they're on a mission. They'll recount their sacrifices, defend their actions, do everything but what's actually needed: listen.
This well-intentioned fixing often backfires spectacularly. It can lead to defensiveness, criticism, and a bizarre competition over whose burdens are heavier. So what's the solution to this non-problem? Simplicity itself. A gentle acknowledgment. A warm embrace. A few words that say, "I see you, I hear you, and your feelings matter." It's not about doing less; it's about doing differently. It's recognizing that sometimes, just being there is doing everything.
✨ From The Arc of Love - Young Love
🤔 Laziness isn’t real
Laziness isn't real. It's a myth we've been fed, a convenient label slapped on complex human behavior. From where we're sitting, our actions always make sense. When someone seems unmotivated, we're not seeing the full story - the exhaustion, the systemic barriers, the invisible forces holding them back.
Even when you're "winning" by society's rules, you might be losing in ways that matter most. So what if we ditched the lazy label altogether? What if instead of judging, we got curious about the context behind someone's actions (or inactions)? It's a radical shift, but one that could lead to more compassion - for others and ourselves.
✨ From Laziness Does Not Exist
🧘🏻♂️ “Nothing” is half of everything
“Nothing” is weird. And powerful. It's not just empty space. It's the force that lets something manifest. You can't have something without nothing, just as you can't have a solid without space. They're two sides of the same coin.
A figure needs a background. An "is" needs an "isn't". Space and solid define each other. Try imagining endless space with nothing in it. You can't. Because you're there, imagining it.
We understand things through contrast. White needs black. Life needs death. Pleasure needs pain. They come into being together. You don't have first something and then nothing, or first nothing and then something.
Buddhism nails it: "That which is void is precisely form, and that which is form is precisely void." Form and void are inseparable. The world isn't made of stuff. It's made of form and emptiness, dancing together.
Nothing isn't a put-down or a terror. It's essential. It's half of everything. And that's weird. And fascinating. And beautiful.
✨ From Will People Ever See It? - Alan Watts on the Power of Nothing
🎵 Music I’m listening to
You’ll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
🎧 If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! 🎶
🌒 Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
🌓 Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
🌑 Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
🌕 Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
🌞 Sonntag: Afterhours shit
🦥 Slow rave: Sleepy techno for tired danced
🌎 World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
🌚 Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
