#54: Tiny Delights Over Big Bright Lights

#SocialSkills #Feedback #TinyDelights #Relationships

Jan 19, 2024

👋 Welcome to this week's Pursuit. My name is Amir, and each week I go over 10 hours of content in pursuit of living a meaningful, fulfilling and balanced life. I'm grateful to share my findings with you and hope I can have a tiny impact on your life. Subscribe now if you haven't already!

This week’s discovery:

🧐 Curiosity and Building Genuine Connections
🌱 Seeking Advice Instead of Feedback
🤏🏼 Tiny Delights Over Big Bright Lights
🔄 You Never Meet the Same Person Twice
🗒️ A Quote I'm Pondering On
🎵 Music I'm Listening To

🧐 Curiosity and Building Genuine Connections

Illuminators have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know how to ask the right questions at the right times — so that they can see things, at least a bit, from another’s point of view. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, respected, lit up.
Don’t be a topper. If somebody tells you he is having trouble with his teenager, don’t turn around and say, “I know exactly what you mean. I’m having incredible problems with my own Susan.” You may think you’re trying to build a shared connection, but what you are really doing is shifting attention back to yourself.
So when I first meet people, I tend to ask them where they grew up. People are at their best when talking about their childhoods. Or I ask where they got their names. That gets them talking about their families and ethnic backgrounds. I once asked a group, “What’s your favorite unimportant thing about you?” I learned that a very impressive academic I know has a fixation with trashy reality TV.

🌱 Seeking Advice Instead of Feedback

Seeking advice instead of feedback is a valuable approach for personal and professional growth. When we ask for feedback, we often encounter cheerleaders or critics, who either applaud our best self or attack our worst self. What we truly need is a coach who sees our potential and helps us become better versions of ourselves. To get others to coach us, we should focus on seeking advice rather than feedback. Feedback is backward-looking, while advice is forward-looking and provides actionable suggestions for improvement. By actively seeking advice, we can tap into the wisdom of others and make specific improvements. This approach can lead to valuable tips and greater growth. Seeking advice is a skill worth developing, as it allows us to continuously improve and strive for excellence (read more).

🤏🏼 Tiny Delights Over Big Bright Lights

What we consider defining moments, like promotions or a new house, matter less to life satisfaction than the accumulation of tiny moments that didn’t seem to matter at the time. In the end, everyday moments matter more than big prizes. Tiny delights over big bright lights.
The older I get, the more I realize how valuable it is to let go of the anchors holding you back. When someone makes a mistake, forgive them. When someone wrongs you, move on. When someone slights you, let it go. When someone tells you they didn’t mean it, believe them. When someone tries to pull you down, let them go. Moving forward helps a lot and doesn’t cost a thing.

I try to live with that saying: you never meet the same person twice, not even in the same person. If we have that central belief, then a relationship with another person can never be taken for granted. It requires knowing some relationships will adapt with you. Others will take different trajectories at the intersection. That’s okay too, even if the truth of it breaks your heart (read more).