#118: The adventure that changes you
Learn why emotional fluency unlocks clarity, how quests transform who you are, why small promises build real confidence, and why depth of thought matters more than speed in meaningful work.
During my trip to Montenegro, I spent a night deep in nature, at the foot of a mountain where a village once thrived. It used to be home to 500 people. Now, only five remain.
The host, whose family were once dukes of the village, had built something remarkable there. To stay close to his aging parents, he created a small retreat of modern domes, with jacuzzis, saunas, and stunning views, right in the middle of the mountains.
He was an impressive man. Educated, well-traveled, fluent in English, with a background in telecommunications. Yet he chose to retire there, blending his love for nature, family, and entrepreneurship into a way of life. His retreat became not just a business, but a bridge, bringing visitors from around the world while giving him more time with his parents and a place for his grandchildren to visit.
I found myself deeply moved by it. It made me reflect on my own life.
I am close to my parents, but I have lived far from them for many years. We see each other maybe twice a year, usually when they travel to visit me.
This experience made me ask myself: what more could I do to stay closer to them as they grow older? How could I reshape my life to be more present with them, not just occasionally, but meaningfully?
If you are close to your parents and live far away, I want to leave you with the same question.
What are you doing to stay close? And what might be possible if you made it a real priority?
This week at a glance:
🌀 Emotional fluency is the real mastery
😶🌫️ Learning to trust the shifting self
🤝🏼 Keep small promises to yourself
🐢 Depth over speed
🌀 Emotional fluency is the real mastery
Most of what we chase, safety, success, or validation, is less about the achievement itself and more about how we want to feel. The business venture, the social media following, the recognition, they are all emotional destinations in disguise.
But when emotions become overwhelming or unsafe, we learn to suppress them. We tell ourselves we are busy, when in truth, we are managing feelings we do not know how to hold. Overwhelm is rarely about having too much to do. It is about emotions that have nowhere to go.
Clarity is not found through better logic or tighter control. It comes from feeling. One genuine moment of emotional expression can unlock more understanding than hours of thinking ever could. We are feeling beings who happen to think, not thinking beings who happen to feel.
Imagine your emotions as guests at a party. When you feel welcome, you show up differently. Your emotions are no different.
What we call "negative" feelings are often compressed virtues in disguise. Helplessness, when fully met, can unfold into empowerment. Sadness, when allowed to flow, often leads to relief.
The work is not to control emotions but to welcome them. To let them pass through naturally, without resistance. Strong feelings do not appear by accident. They exist where something meaningful is waiting to be seen.
When you stop fighting your emotions, they stop fighting you. In their place, a deeper wisdom quietly emerges.
✨From Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal | Success Beyond Money — Joe Hudson
🐲 The adventure that changes you
In issue #116, I shared snippets from an article that made a powerful case for setting quests instead of goals. If you consider yourself ambitious or achievement-driven, I highly recommend reading it and reflecting on how shifting your mindset could change the way you approach growth. Below are a few key ideas from the "quest mindset", with my personal favorite being the one about the 🐲 inside you:
Goal has become an uninspiring, institutional word. Goals are things your teachers and managers have for you. Goals are made of quotas and Key Performance Indicators. Forming and achieving aspirations is how life gets easier and more spacious. It’s how people build skills, gain experience, invent things, declutter their homes and lives, start businesses, and enrich the mind with art, exploration, and creative work.
A quest is an adventure, and you expect it to be one. You expect a quest to take you into a new and unfamiliar landscape. You expect there to be puzzles, surprises, perils, and curious encounters. A bridge you counted on will be out. You’ll meet an interesting stranger on the path. You’ll hear wolves howling at night. This is all part of the fun. The goal mentality frames this stuff as setbacks, problems, pains – stuff in the way of the goal.
A quest changes you, not just your situation. Goals are practical attempts to change your circumstances. A quest is personally transformative – the endeavor itself shapes who you are, and what you’re capable of. It’s not only the reward that does this, it’s your inevitable encounters with the unfamiliar, and the new capabilities you gain as you handle these encounters. You don’t just get the novel started, you become a writer. You don’t just declutter the house, you get your house in order.
A quest has a dragon to slay (and it’s inside you). In all worthy quests, you (the hero) at some point will face a fearsome beast that seems at first like it will be your doom. Maybe there’s a tough conversation you have to have, or a tricky concept you have to learn. From a distance, the dragon always seems unconquerable, yet the hero finds a way. In epic fantasy tales, the dragon is always symbolic — the hero defeats it by overcoming some inner sense of limitation, which they had believed was a permanent flaw.
✨ From Do Quests, Not Goals
🤝🏼 Keep small promises to yourself
Confidence is not built through grand achievements. It is built by keeping small promises to ourselves.
Each neglected intention, like going to bed on time or stepping outside for sunlight, quietly erodes self-trust. Our bodies crave consistency. Broken promises create self-doubt.
Small promises matter because they strengthen confidence in the quiet moments. Honoring simple commitments, like taking a mindful walk or sticking to a healthy habit, builds inner trust and sets a foundation for everything else.
Start with one today. Set a bedtime. Pause for a deep breath. Follow through.
Confidence grows from small acts, and with it, a trust that uplifts both you and the people around you.
✨ From Moment 181 — 5 Things Your Body Is Probably Missing, That's Making You Sick! Gary Brecka
🐢 Depth over speed
Working smarter often requires looking less productive in the short term. That marketing brief you spend three hours perfecting might look identical to one written in 30 minutes. But the thoroughness of your thinking will be reflected in every decision that follows.
Your first thought is what everyone else thinks. Your best thought comes after you've thought long enough to forget what everyone thinks. The difference between good and exceptional isn't hours worked – it's the depth of thought applied to the right problems.
✨ From Brain Food: Not Typical
🎵 Music I’m listening to
You’ll find mostly Ethnotronica, Organic House, World, Disco, and Organic Electronic here:
🎧 If you appreciate the music I carefully select and haven't followed my Spotify playlists yet, now is the perfect time to hit that follow button and join me on this musical journey! 🎶
🌒 Pano: Danceable and electronic obscure songs
🌓 Sisy: Ethnotronica and organic house
🌑 Berghain: Dark, minimal techno and tech house
🌕 Heide: Groovy soul and disco house
🌞 Sonntag: Afterhours shit
🦥 Slow rave: Sleepy techno for tired danced
🌎 World: From Latin jazz to Turkish psych
🌚 Super Slow: For your intimate moments
Previously on Pursuit:
